First there was the Lawyer. He got my name and number and called me about 4 times. One of the first things he asked me was if he could come over and just see me. I said no way. My kids are home, I don't know you from Adam, just...NO! That should have been a red flag from the start, but he asked me for a date and I told him that would be alright. Between Mike and Robert, my kids were gone every weekend and I had nothing better to do. So Friday night I went and met this guy for dinner. I should have known better. He was Mr. Springfield. I think he knew everyone in the resturant. We had to stop at practically every table and chit chat with this person and that. He worked at a very prestigious law firm, made partner by the time he was 29, he's 46 now, and had BUTT loads of money. He had on the fancy clothes, drove the fancy car, blah blah blah. And, I have to be honest, he did not look a day past 35. He was incredibly good looking. Seriously, he was hot. And a total player. I dressed up, I looked good. He looked at me. IN THAT WAY. I should have walked out the door when he told me that I should feel lucky I was getting dinner on the first date, normally first dates were limited to coffee, as a kind of feel it out thing. Dinner wasn't something you did until the second or third date. Wow. The way he was calling me and crap gave me the impression he was really into me. What he wanted was to really be in my pants. Desperate. Which really he didn't need to be. AT ALL. I mean he was, after all, Mr. Springfield. He had everything going for him. He looked fantastic, he had the bank account. He was solid in his career. He was the last person who should have been desperate. A shame really. The guy's track record was about as bad as mine. Two marriages, two divorces, a broken engagement. Two daughters a little bit older than my kids. After dinner we took a drive and we ended up back at his place. While in his garage he tried to put the moves on me. His house by the way, HUGE. Very expensive. Lived near Brad Pitt's parents. The kitchen alone was probably a $30,000 kitchen. But it was time to go. Pitiful. He tried calling a few times over the next few weeks. I finally told him to stick his penis in a meat grinder. And that was it. Our one date. If I had been into that, just having him around for sex, I could have totally cashed in on that. Fancy dinners out, a beautiful house to spend time in. Could have probably gotten a few expensive gifts out of him. Maybe even a trip or two, weekends away. He and I could have totally used each other for our own individual gains, but I didn't want that for myself. It was tempting, for about 5 minutes. I bet we could have had fun. Like I said, he called many times. He wanted to see me again. I just couldn't get next to that. What an ass hat.

Next there was UPS dude. We had drinks. We meet at Starbucks and decided to go down to a little bar he knew. He was something else. Body builder. HUGE MAN. Not at all fat, but HUGE!!! He was about 6'3, maybe 6'4, much different than what I am used to. He was educated, had a degree from A & M or something like that. Was making about 30 bucks an hour at UPS. Drove a super fun new vehicle. He was my age, 33. He was really sweet. But we had nothing to talk about. Nothing. It was the most painful 45 minutes of my life... conversation wise. I would start a conversation, tell a story, ask a question. He would answer the question with one sentence and then we would sit in silence. So I would tell another story, ask another question, hoping he would engage. He had never been married, no kids. Lived in an apartment with a roommate. So I was down 2. Two first dates, no second dates. Ok.

Ebay guy. He made his living selling things on Ebay. I've heard about that. He was nice. We met at Panera Bread for coffee. In the morning. The kids were in summer school, and I didn't have class on Friday mornings. The conversation was the typical meet and greet stuff...where did you grow up, have you been married before. He was divorced, no kids. I met alot of men with no kids. I was surprised. He was Mike's age, 37. He was tall, but didn't make an impression on me in the looks department. Boring. Third first date, no second date. He did call me about two weeks later, but nothing ever came of it.

Mortgage broker fellow. He was nice. He was really really very very kind. I liked him alot. We talked on the phone for weeks before we had a date. He was a couple of years younger than me. And he lived in Kansas. Three hours away. Never married, but was engaged once. He was funny. He made me laugh all the time, and like I said, I really liked him. We finally had a date. He drove in from Kansas. We'll come back to him.

Then there was the politican. He lived in northwest Arkansas. I had never dated a politican. He had a very scandalious divorce and wanted to date outside the area. The problem was...he was out of the area. He was only about an hour and a half away, which wasn't completely horrible, but he had two VERY YOUNG children, and that kind of schedule would have been impossible to maintain. He and I had so many things in common. We were both in the same places in our lives, with the exception of his young kids. I couldn't imagine doing those ages again. No thanks. But we both love gardening and yardwork and flowers and shrubs. We spent the bulk of our time talking about those things, and I was intrigued that he liked those things as much as I did. He showed me pictures of his gardens and such. I was very impressed. When he felt sad or alone, he would garden. Let's just say he had AMAZING gardens. Poor guy. What also impressed me...his body. He was 39 and worked out. He wasn't anyone you would just notice. He didn't stand out is what I am trying to say. He wasn't short, he was about 5'10-5'11, but when he gave me a hug after dinner I could feel his arm muscles. I reached and grabbed his arm and asked him to flex. Wow. Amazing. He was wearing snug clothes, it was nice. Loose enough to be modest, but tight enough to get an idea of what might be under the clothes. We had a great date. We had dinner downtown. We took a long walk. We had great conversation. After the night was over we decided as much as we really liked each other and would love nothing more than another date, that the distance and the kids and the every other weekend thing was going to be hard. But we wanted to meet and have that experience. I'm glad we went out. He was a very nice man, and someone that I could have seen myself with. We had the same goals and values. And he was Republican. Got to make sure he's battin' for the right team. It affirmed that there were nice guys out there.

Next, Arch guy. Arch of the Ozarks. He worked with kids. Tall, good looking, built. Drank too much. Whiskey dick is never a good thing. That could be a potential problem. He also liked to talk about how great he was and how most people were just idiots. We went out once. I have nothing to say about this date. I just wasn't impressed. Huh.

Back to mortgage guy. We finally had our first date after weeks of phone conversations. He was sweet. I enjoyed our friendship. But like the politician, the distance was a problem. I didn't want to fall for him and then have to be gone every other weekend, with him traveling here or me traveling there. I can't be away that much, not with Jody and stuff. And then there is the matter of where to stay. You know? I want it simple. I want to be able to, at the last minute, call up and say hey, my night just freed up, want to catch a movie? He was great. Really. And sometimes I miss our conversations. But I decided after two great dates with people out of state, I wasn't going to do that anymore. Too hard. I didn't want to form attachments. With Jody and my kids and 2 ex-husbands to contend with, and my school schedule, the LAST thing I wanted was one more thing to try to juggle. Not that I was looking for anything like that, but I didn't want to even put myself in that position.

At this point I was so disillusioned about men. I had a couple of good first dates. I had several experiences I definately didn't want to repeat. I thought...can't I just meet a nice guy who doesn't try to get into my pants on the first date? And then I met Brannon. None of these other guys gets a first name recogniztion on this page, they are defined by their jobs. But Brannon was different from the very beginning. The day didn't start out great at all. It was a Saturday. Brother Lee from church had just passed away. Jody and I went to the visitation that night. Jody and I were supposed to have gone to dinner afterwards, but he got very sick at the visitation and needed me to take him home. Early. It also just happened to be my anniversry to Mike. I had called Mike early in the day. I wanted to go out for our anniversiry. He told me that was stupid, we were getting divorced, there was nothing happy about the day. I wanted him to go to the visitation with me. I figured we could at least put our differences aside and support our church family during this very sad time. Nope. I gave myself permission to try to save the marriage up until July 21. I tried several times that day. All my attempts were fruitless. I resigned myself to the fact that my only companion for the day would be Jody. And then he didn't feel well. So I had an entire evening to myself. I remember Brannon had asked me out for Saturday night, but I told him probably wouldn't happen, lots going on. Honestly, I was reserving that time for Mike. Stupid. So, no Mike, no Jody. I was sitting at my computer desk listening to music that just depressed the hell out of me. It was all reminding me of Mike and my failures. I was at a crossroads. I could either sit at the computer desk and work myself into what I KNEW was going to be a sobfest. Or I could get on with my life. Dinner out was sounding better and better. I called him up. I said hello. He suggested taking me downtown. I was very honest with him. I said, listen, I've had a day. I just got back from a visitation, I've had some other stuff going on, and what I would really like more than anything is a sandwich. Can we do that? A sandwich? I know that's not impressive, but honestly, I want a sandwich. Panera Bread. That's what I wanted. At this point I wasn't even nervous to meet him. I had been nervous all those other times, and I just didn't feel like mustering up the effort to be nervous. I told him I was coming from the visitation, I still had on all black clothes. From the way he described himself, I thought for sure I was preparing to meet a 300 pound dude. And then I met him. He stood up from the table where he was waiting for me. I was impressed. He looked AMAZING. Nothing, NOTHING AT ALL what I was expecting. I think that's even the first thing I said to him was, you know, you aren't anything like you describe yourself. You better work on that.

We had sandwiches. It was good. Panera was closing and I told him that I was feeling much better. I had some food in me. My mood was lightened. I told him that I thought that going downtown for a walk would be wonderful. I think he was prepared to say goodnight if I wanted to, and was ok with that. I had told him that it was my wedding anniversary. He was surprised I was handling it all so well. Lee, Mike, Jody being sick. We went downtown. He really made an impression on me. We walked for a long time. Then we went and got coffee at Mudhouse. After coffee we walked some more. As we started off again he asked me, well, not even asked me if I remember correctly, informed me perhaps? that he was going to hold my hand like a proper date. That got me. It was so simple, yet so profound to me. That he would actually verbalize that he was going to take my hand like a proper date. He had a presents about him. Hard not to have, he stood tall at over 6'1. Ex-military, he commanded respect. The way he carried himself. He was confident. I just drank him in. I was so incredibly and totally in awe of him. The way he talked. What he said. The way he treated me. He was well educated. Highly intelligent. Had known great successes and total failures. And he shared all that with me. He was open and vulnerable to me. And he was a total gentleman the entire evening. He was never inappropriate with me at any point in the evening...

...Brannon made a huge impression on me that night. He was my one and only second date. And third date, and fourth date...I could go on and on, but I'll just end it there.