[October 26, 2007]

My heart is heavy, and I really haven't felt like sharing. Living with my roommate is trying at best. I wanted so badly to help him out, help him have a life. I feel like I have given him a gift of my time and my compassion, just to have him take that gift and spit on it. I'm not sure what to do. I don't know what God has in mind for me, but I feel like I can't get away from this abuse. Is this God punishing me for my sins? I have never believed that God "punishes" us, but He allows us to reap what we sow. Lord knows that I have reaped plenty of not so great things. If you plant peas, don't be surprised when you get...peas. I know you wanted the carrots, but you planted the peas. See how that works?

I have several songs I am learning. I can't seem to learn any of them well. I'm not sure what that is about. I better get it figured out, because I have to sing on Sunday. I wish the sun would shine. It's depressing out.

I'm just sad. Most of the time I really am happy, but every once in a while you hear things that just bring you down. And you don't get it, because you are doing your damnest. I don't get it. I'm not going to pretend that I do.