Where is my focus right now? It is so easy to focus on the negative and get bogged down by it all, but I choose to focus on the positive. Let's review the positive, shall we?
I started school this week. At first my schedule got all mixed up. My classes all got dropped and I thought I would never get it straightened out. I went to my WONDERFUL advisor Ann, and she was very helpful to me. Brother Cody happened to witness the event, when I got online only to discover the horrible error. He was here on other matters (being Jody's baptism) and prayed with me as it was happening. It turned out that my new schedule is even more wonderful than my old schedule had been. I got to church a tad bit early tonight (I dropped the kids off at Incredible Pizza and got to church way before 7) and I decided to go up front and play the piano. It's been a long time since I just sat down to play. I was the only one in the room and I enjoyed several minutes to myself. Brother Cody approached me and asked me if I had started school yet. I told him that I had and that my new schedule was even better than the old. He looked at me with this look on his face, I couldn't quite read it, and he said, "Tedi, I knew it would all work out, just the way the Lord wanted it to." And yes, that happened.
Speaking of Brother Cody, today I called him and told him some of what was going on in my world. We also talked tonight and he assured me that he did not want me to step down as a Sunday School teacher. Over the next day or two he wants me to come and visit with him and just get some of this stuff straightened out. He shared with me some of his thoughts tonight and reassured me. I in return have been honest and forecoming, and will continue to do such. We didn't get a chance to dig deep, but in the next day or two that is going to happen.
As far as my classes go, you don't even know how relieved I am about them. I am taking 3 classes, marketing 340, management 350, and Econ 500. My econ class is actually a masters class, and the beauty of it is that I am already taking classes for my Masters degree and paying undergraduate prices. That is just so awesome. I love that I am working on my undergraduate, my minor, and my masters, all at the same time. :) This is a woman who is going places.
My advisor Ann is an incredible woman and shares with me all sorts of good information. She is the one who introduced me to the 4 agreements, as written by Don Miguel Ruiz. They are:
Agreement 1
Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Agreement 2
Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Agreement 3
Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Agreement 4
Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
These are so wonderful.
I am also quoting the words of Kent M. Keith, who writes about the Paradoxical Commandments. Those are as follows:
1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
3. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
4. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
7. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
9. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
10. Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
I have spent the better part of the last two nights pouring over every single diary entry I have ever made. I am sad to say that most of my time has been spent spewing negitivity, anger, and grief. I have made a decision that that is not what I want my life to be about. I don't want to reflect that here. I don't want to give in to retaliation and nastiness.
I have made mistakes. Huge mistakes. I have said and done things that I can NEVER take back. I can only ask for forgiveness and move forward. I continue to make mistakes. I will forever make mistakes. Some will be costlier than others. I can only hope to surround myself with people, family, friends who understand who and what I am about, and to be able to love me despite my shortcomings.