A couple of weeks ago, somehow, part of the test was posted on blackboard and a couple of people actually saw it. They just happened to be trying to find the study guide and got the test questions. So then he had to make it fair and decided to hand them out to everyone as a worksheet and another study guide to help out a little bit. I ran through that a couple of times this morning. It is a good thing that I did, because that was 20 questions long, and every single question that was on that worksheet was on the test. Is our teacher lazy or something? If he is, I'm loving that. I missed one, and I knew when I got to the test and saw that question that I didn't remember which answer was the right one. Of course, after the test, I went back and looked for the right answer. I put down the wrong answer, because I am brilliant like that. Oh well. So here I am, checking blackboard, checking my grade, hoping that he has posted our test early. I don't know what I am freaking out about, I have 137 points out of 132. Yeah, so, I'm done freaking out about the test right now.

I still have my econ test to freak out about. Good thing I have until Tuesday on that one.

Not sure what I am doing this weekend. Plans have changed, Brannon took two days off, because we've been going through some stuff. Hard stuff. Emotional baggage. I have a lot of healing to do. You know, it could be simpliest thing. A bowl of cereal, or a hairbrush, or something so meaningless, and it brings back a memory of something that happened, a situation, and I can't handle it. I don't realize the emotional crap I have saved up. You think you are fine. You think you really did deal with this years ago when it happened, and then you realize...you didn't. You have held on to it. You have not let it go. You never did deal with it. And maybe this is part of my problem, because I got divorced the first time and never dealt with stuff. Then I got married, and never dealt with the old stuff. I contaminated my own well so to speak. And the residual effect? Huge. Poisoning one's own well is NOT A GOOD THING TO DO. You drink out of your own well, and if you have poisoned it, then you are SICK. I have a sick, nasty, poisoned well. And it is time to clean it up before I let someone else drink from it. Or myself for that matter. So the hard part comes. Cleaning. Cleaning out the poison. Identifying the poison, and painstakingly removing it. One very slow cupful at a time. It takes time and it's hard. Because half of the stuff that poisons your well, you put there yourself. How stupid is that? My heart is not a trash can, I need to stop treating it as such. And I need to not ever let anyone else use it for such either. No man can ever just dump his shit there. The lid needs to come off. So you slowly trust someone to put only good stuff there...

...and this post is going places I never meant to go. My point is, Brannon is taking some time off of work, a couple days, to just spend some time. time with my kids, time with Jody, time with me...that is a gift. I firmly believe that God put Brannon in my path for a reason. It might be only a reason, could be a season, could be a lifetime. But whatever the case may be, I thank God every day for knowing my heart and knowing what I need right now. I never knew. There are so many things that I just never knew, and I am being showed every day. And I am so surprised.