Don't you people have lives?

If wishes were dreams and dreams came true...
June 25, 2007 -- 7:37 am

Another Monday, another Stats test. I'm not ready. With the events of the weekend, I just really can't hardly concentrate. I was at church yesterday, talking to Bea, her daughter is Angie, our choir/music director at the church. I thought they were only gone for the weekend, Bea said they were gone all week. She said, Angie really needs a vacation. And I believe she does. I am jealous that she has a loving husband who understands that she just needs a break. And she has great kids too. They were off to St. Louis to catch a ball game, and then they drove over to KC to visit some family. I feel like I need a vacation too, but right now I don't even know how I'm going to afford a new cell phone. My phone DIED over the weekend and it pretty much sucks. Eric told me to just go get a new phone, he'd handle it. It's nice to not have to worry about these little things. You know, I know I could have a vacation as soon as I stopped being the *&%$# chicken shit I am. My plane ticket to Phoenix awaits me the minute I go to the airport and pick it up. Imagine that, a nice quiet flight, by myself, across the friendly skies. Plug in my MP3, put on my headphones and just shut the rest of the world out. Eric would be waiting for me at the airport and off he would drive me to my beautiful Marriott hotel. It would be lovely, with a jacuzzi just calling my name. We would have a nice dinner and spend some time. And then I would have time to myself. Just me and my big ole room. I could veg and watch a movie, or read a book. The next day I would see his world for the first time. I would tour the factories and the office, meet his brother Ron, Kasey his assistant and right hand woman. There would be lunch and dinner, a tour of the Phoenix and Scottsdale area. I could spend a day or three sight seeing and shopping. All of that is awaiting me, and I'M TOO CHICKEN SHIT TO GET ON THE PLANE. What is wrong with me? Maybe I should try the ole vodka and valium approach. Well, it gets more and more tempting every time I think of it.

I talk ALOT about Eric lately, and even though he is 2000 miles away from me, he is always here in spirit. I guess when are you best friends with someone for so long, they know everything about you. They can sense when you need them and just when you think you aren't going to make it another second, the phone rings and there they are. Eric is hugely important in my life right now. He is really seeing me through this whole divorce. And for the record, again, I never wanted to be divorced. I love Mike, I do, I love him probably more than I should. I wish he could have wanted this as much as me, (and when I say that, maybe he DID want this as much as me and just couldn't, I don't know, it hurts my head to think about the whys of it all) and I wish this would have worked. If wishes were dreams and dreams came true...

Eric can't stand Ricky Martin, but I think this song is fitting when Eric promises me beyond a shadow of a doubt that Mike will feel this way some day about me. Might not be now, might not be in a month or even a year, but some day, he WILL feel this way. I have my doubts Eric, I really do. But here are some of the appropriate lyrics that support Erics cause:

Here I am. Broken wings, quiet thoughts, unspoken dreams.

Here I am. Alone again and I need her now to hold my hand.

She's all, she's all I ever had.

She's the air I breathe.

She's all, she's all I ever had

It's the way she makes me feel.

It's the only thing that's real.

It's the way she understands.

She's my lover, she's my friend.

And when I look into her eyes it's the way I feel inside.

Like the man I want to be.

She's all I ever need.

So much time, soo much pain (but) there's one thing that still remains.

(It's the) The way she cared the love we shared.

And through it all she's always been there.

She's all, she's all I ever had in a world so cold, so empty.

She's all, she's all I ever had.

It's the way she makes me feel.

It's the only thing that's real.

It's the way she understands.

She's my lover, she's my friend.

And when I look into her eyes it's the way I feel inside.

Like the man I want to be. She's all I ever need.

Before| X |After

Last 5
Wedding Songs - April 16, 2008
Life Funnies - March 24, 2008
Life Funnies - March 24, 2008
Vacation and stuff - March 21, 2008
Our new house - March 11, 2008